Prince Miroslav

I've never actually met a member of the Croatian monarchy (or any Balkan monarch for that matter) but there's a guy at the gym who certainly seems to fit the bill. He's not too tall, has real busy eyebrows, a little on the dark side and is quite aloof. He wears a towel around his neck that he tucks into his shirt -- looks like he's wearing an ascot. If not a member of some Balkan royal family, perhaps he was a communist overlord operating behind the iron curtain. I've nick named him Prince Miroslav. In addition to his royal upbringing and/or years of Stalinist indoctrination, he must have received some training in the dramatic arts. Heck, that kind of training always comes in handy when your subjugating the populace.

The Prince certainly is a regular at the gym. Like me, he's there nearly every morning. He always comes in with a large Starbucks and a liter of Smart Water . . . and he just leaves them wherever he pleases . . . he's quite the diva. And never has anyone lifted so little and grimaced as much as our dear Prince. Believe me, he's not a frail guy and he must have some inner core of strength in order to yield a truncheon the way I'm sure he did in the old country. But here in the U.S., lifting a 10 pound weight and twisting his body 3 inches in either direction certainly appears to be quite an effort for this former leader. Or perhaps, to quote Saturday Night Live's Jon Lovitz, "that's acting!"

Like any good actor, Miro (as I like to call him) certainly is no stranger to make up and costumes. I've already mentioned his pseudo ascot. But what really amazed me was his locker room set up. The first time I saw it, I thought I was in the ladies locker room. On a counter (that's 4 feet long!) in front of a mirror (naturally) he laid out three bags filled with all sorts of lotions & potions, creams & powders, colognes, and other assorted grooming products. All that seemed to be missing were those light bulbs that surround the mirrors in all the finest dressing rooms. Come to think of it, the Prince probably gets his workout just carrying his gear into the gym. If you don't believe me, look at the picture below.

I'll do my best to keep you informed of the Prince's activities. He spoke to me the other day. You never know, I could be headed to the Balkans as part of his coup team. Check back here for updates.